檳榔嶼

- 想要感到自己存在的價值與快樂，必須要為自己的人生及幸福負責。
- 自我負責是自尊的基本，同時也是自尊的反映。

- 缺乏自我接受 (self-acceptance)，自尊便不成立。
  - 自尊是一種經驗，而自我接受則是一種作為。從反面來說，拒絕與自己為敵便是自我接受。

- 世上所有偉大的精神學及哲學流派都指出，多數人一生都在渾渾噩噩中度過，而頓悟是一種覺醒，其發展過程則是一種意識的擴張。
  - 意識是生命最高層次的表現，意識的層次愈高，生命形態就愈先進。

- 所謂的「實踐」 (practice) 意指以特定方式持續的行動，這不是一時興起的，也不是面對困境時的因應，而是日復一日，凡事皆然的一種存在與行為的方式。

- 自尊低的人常被恐懼駕馭，她/他們害怕事實。她/他們害怕面對自己 (或別人)，於是便極力否認、抗拒或壓抑。她/他們害怕自己的偽裝被拆穿、揭露，怕失敗，有時甚至害怕成功。生活只是為了躲避痛苦，而非體驗快樂。
- 自尊影響的是我們的情緒動機，我們的感受會鼓舞或打擊我們的想法，帶領我們迎向事實對真理，或使我們與之悖離 - 使我們變得有效率，或恰恰相反。

- 我與別人的關係，正是我與自己關係的反映。
- 自尊表現在一個人的臉孔、態度、說話和舉止之中 :

- 自尊的兩大基礎 :
  1. 自我效能 (self-efficiency) : 面對生活挑戰時所持有的基本自信

- 自我概念 (self-concept) 便是命運
- 我們可以選擇掌握自尊的脈動，也可以不去釐清。但後者只會使我們更不了解自己，卻仍須忍受它的影響。

- 四個問題 :
  1. 什麼是自尊？

跟所有的人的關係是跟自己關係的延伸。人無法只愛一個人，不愛自己，也不愛其他人。當浪漫愛把愛定義成獨佔，並且是連結到性關係的，這樣的關係已經是宰制的關係，這樣的愛也是權力。一個不愛自己的人，是無法真正愛另一個人的。

- Women who choose to love must be wise, daring and courageous.
  - Wisdom is needed if we would restore love to its rightful place as a heroic journey, arduous, difficult - more vital to human survival and development on planet Earth than going off to slay mythical dragons, to ravage and conquer others with war or all other forms of violence that are like war.

- Deep, abiding friendships are the place where many women know lasting love.
- Women who are steadfastly heterosexual may live a lifetime without feeling true love between themselves and heterosexual partner. The greatest tragedy of marriage within patriarchal culture is not that so many couples divorce but that an even greater number of couples stay together without feeling that they love one another.

- All women looking for love are not looking for men. Same-sex love has always been a reality; increasingly, it has become a choice. Today's lesbian are both born and made.
  - One can also choose to be lesbian. And such a choice can be made late in life.

- We are bombarded by successful "war" movie (Deep Impact, Armageddon, Gladiator, Pearl Harbor) that glamorize killing.
  - The wars we see in today's movies are technological carnivals full of bright lights and intriguing ammo (ammunition).

- Looking for love and looking for a man are two very different agendas.
  - Most women without male partners are looking for a man. And guess what? Men are easy to find. Finding a man is not the same as finding love. 

- In reality, females of all ages who either learn how to love as children (and consequently are self-loving) or learn how to be self-loving later in life often confront major difficulties, because our culture has not yet been transformed in ways to support and sustain female well-being.
- Often, especially for adult women, the choice to be self-loving requires tremendous sacrifice. This is especially true if prior to doing the work of self-love everyone in their lives were accustomed to devaluing and/or subordinating them. Acknowledge this helps us understand why masses of women who may intuitively know that they need to do the work of self-love are trapped by fear.

有很多很好的書，台灣都不翻譯，我覺得好可惜。雖然我可以讀原文，但它們需要被更多人認識，需要更多人認識愛。我們一直有一個錯誤認知，認為叛逆是冷硬、憤怒、暴力，但其實那一點都不叛逆，那仍然是父權，這也是為什麼那些年輕的熱血、反叛，最終都會成為她/他們當年所對抗的那種人。因為這種對權力的反抗，只是想要擁有權力壓迫別人的怒吼。一個人的憤怒、憂鬱、絕望，情緒失控，不是因為她/他無法控制情緒，是因為她/他無法控制自己，是別人在操控她/他，逼迫她/他遠離她/他真正的自我。

- Any woman eager to learn the art of loving can start, as the Buddhist teachers say, "right where you are" by being self-loving.
- Females easily endorse a mind-body split that lets us cultivate the false assumption that we can hate our bodies and still be loving.

- Before I reached the age of forty, I never even considered that my relationships did not last because I did not know enough about love.
  - I assumed that love was a given.

人必須先從照顧自己，承諾自己成長 (心靈的成長，擺脫社會化的歧視，為公平正義而努力...  並非收入或地位等父權宰制)，尊重自己，認識自己，信任自己，為自己所有的情緒、慾望、自我實現跟愛負責，去愛自己，然後才能去愛其他人。很顯然地，在父權中的浪漫愛並不是這樣的愛，擁有父權思想的人，尤其是男人，都想要別人照顧自己，尊重自己，認識自己，信任自己，服務自己的愛、情緒、慾望跟價值，拒絕承諾成長，拒絕信任別人，然後拒絕同樣地愛，去愛自己跟愛別人。擁有任何歧視、擁抱宰制思想的人，不懂尊重別人跟自己，無法照顧自己所受的傷，無法認識自己的歧視跟受害，也沒有能力負責。沒有正義就沒有愛。