檳榔嶼

有很多很好的書，台灣都不翻譯，我覺得好可惜。雖然我可以讀原文，但它們需要被更多人認識，需要更多人認識愛。我們一直有一個錯誤認知，認為叛逆是冷硬、憤怒、暴力，但其實那一點都不叛逆，那仍然是父權，這也是為什麼那些年輕的熱血、反叛，最終都會成為她/他們當年所對抗的那種人。因為這種對權力的反抗，只是想要擁有權力壓迫別人的怒吼。一個人的憤怒、憂鬱、絕望，情緒失控，不是因為她/他無法控制情緒，是因為她/他無法控制自己，是別人在操控她/他，逼迫她/他遠離她/他真正的自我。

女性主義的運動也落入這樣的陷阱裡，如果去攻擊壓迫者、對壓迫者咆嘯說，我們也要那些權力，其實整個過程都只是父權的權力更迭的過程，就像以前那些朝代更替一樣，最終只是更多人加入了這個體系。

我稍稍理解了一點點，女性主義不該著眼在一直說男人怎麼樣不好，那就跟身處於父權文化的我們，從小到大一直被挑剔一樣，沒有去瓦解跟挑戰父權貶低女人的方式，也沒有去理解那些被攻擊的人，其實也是莫名其妙處於這種文化當中。女性主義該關注的是自己的好，那些被批判成為不好的部分，我們因而羞於坦白去告解，選擇去隱藏的那些好。要讓它們回到我們的心中，讓自己回歸真實。唯一能讓父權瓦解的方式，就是讓權力無法對我們造成任何影響 (包括爭逐跟貶低)，然後擺脫這些控制，活成真實的自己，沒有人可供控制，宰制的文化自然就會瓦解。

去愛，才是最叛逆的事情；而溫柔，才是最有力的手段。一如道家的智慧，上善若水。

- Most women search for love hoping to find recognition of our value. It may not be that we do not see ourselves as valuable; we simply do not trust our perceptions.
- Patriarchal thinking normalizes competition between mothers and daughters, as well as the girl child's rebellion.
- Ugly competition and conflict between mothers and daughters is not simply the outcome of sexist suppression of adult women's growth and self-actualization.
- Importantly, this negative, competitive impulse, which seeks the psychic annihilation and destruction of the other, the female who possesses what one lacks, often characterizes mother-daughter bonds as well as general female interaction.
  - Competition between successful women and their daughters is often rooted in the adult woman's fear of aging in a patriarchal culture.
  - No matter how talented and powerful a woman is, the rules of sexism continue to render her valueless as she ages.
- Women find it easier to rage against one another. Anger directed at males feels more threatening, their power to retaliate more dangerous.
- Way too many of the mothers I met were either dangerously competitive or studiously indifferent. Hungry for their mother's attention and approval, the daughters were often so emotionally fragile that they were incapable of making life-affirming decisions for themselves in either work or relationships.
- Erica Jong : "I was shocked by the bitter criticism I received from some very smart women... The number of feminists who attach other women is shocking!! It seems to me that if women are going to change the world, they first have to change themselves and rise above that competitiveness, which we have been taught, and learn to be truly sisterly to each other."
- Envy between females has always been brutally divisive.
  - What woman among us does not remember the very first time she heard the story of Snow White or Hansel and Gretel? How many of us puzzled by the hatred these older, more powerful women harbored toward innocent girls.
  - I remember wondering why there had to be a constant contest to see who was "the fairest of them all".
- Abused Cinderella, isolated Rapunzel, of motherless Snow White ... These stories often serve as our girlhood indoctrination into the nature of relationships between women, between young girls and their female elders.
- In many narratives of competition between females, especially where there is an age difference, youth wins out but affection between women is lost in the end. As everything goes up in flames, only the stench of envy remains.
- In consciousness-raising groups, We, women, openly confessed our fears and hatreds of other females. We talked about how to combat jealously, the politics of envy, and so on.
  - Sisterhood wasn't just about what we shared in common - things like periods, obsessive concern with our looks, or bitching about men - it was about women learning how to care for one another and be in solidarity, not just when we have complaints or when we feel victimized.
- From girlhood on, females learn how to use terroristic tactics of exclusion, ostracism, and shunning to police one another.
  - Studies show that boys may fight with one another in competitive conflicts rooted in envy or jealousy but rarely employ long-range terroristic tactics to "ice" one another.
  - It is woman-hating because it is rooted in the same fairy-tale logic that teaches us that only one female can win the day or be chosen.
  - It is as though our knowledge that females lack value in the eyes of patriarchy means we can gain value only by competing with one another for recognition.
- The heart of female inability to affirm "exceptional" females is the threat of annihilation. 
  - On one hand, women in patriarchal culture confront what I euphemistically call "Dixie cup mentality". This is that form of sexist thinking that says females are all alike, therefore, it does not matter which one you choose.
  - Since our unique, distinctive traits may not be acknowledged by patriarchy (and, most important, by the men in our lives - fathers, brothers, and, if we are heterosexual, lovers), then females may feel as though the only way to get special attention or to be chosen is by diminishing the value of female peers.
- Nathaniel Branden, <<Six Pillars of Self-Esteem>> : living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity.
  - self-acceptance : refusal to be in an adversarial relationship to myself
- Early on, in girlhood, most females learn to feel that we are flawed in some way that must be corrected. This thinking automatically places us in an adversarial position with ourselves.
  - Progressive therapy can help individuals move toward self-acceptance because it teaches us how to cease being our own worst enemy. Women need to claim our power to say no to all that negates our value.
- Women in longtime marriages whose husbands abandon them in midlife, often to choose a younger partner, frequently come face-to-face with the reality that they do not have an autonomous identity. Midlife marks the moment of their self-creation.
- Self-love is always risky for women within patriarchy. Females are rewarded more when we experience ourselves and act as though we are flawed, insecure, or especially dependent and needy.
  - Although it is risky, when we are self-loving, our growing contentment and personal power sustains us when we are rejected or punished for refusing to follow conventional sexist rules.
  - Women had serious problems mediated their power in the eyes of many of their peers.
- More men were attracted to me and to other women I knew when we were untogether. This is because it's easier to subordinate someone who does not feel good about herself or her life, or someone who may feel constantly insecure and afraid.
  - Women readily testify that they stay in unhappy relationships because they fear no one else will want them.
  - While fewer men may "want" women who are healthy and self-loving, bonds with these men who do are more affirming, constant, and fulfilling.
- Women often bond by sharing secrets and common experiences, lying about anything that would reveal differences in perspectives or desire.
  - Before women can create abiding love with one another, we must learn to be truth tellers, to break with the sexist notion that a good woman never tells what she really thinks.
- Harriet Lerner, <<The Dance of Deception>> : "The struggle toward truth-telling is at the center of our deepest longing for intimacy with others... Truth-telling cannot co-exist with inequality.... There is never a resting place in the struggle for personal and political integrity.... We can live today according to the values that we wish would govern the world in the hypothetical future we are working for. To honor diversity, complexity, inclusiveness, and connection in our lives now is to widen the path of truth-telling for everyone"
- Women who are honest with themselves and others do not fear being vulnerable. We do not fear that another woman can unmask or expose us. We need not fear annihilation, for we know no one can destroy our integrity as women who love.
- No woman who chooses to be self-loving ever regrets her choice. Self-love brings her greater power and freedom. It improves her relationships with everyone. But most especially it allows her to live in community with other women, to stand in solidarity and sisterhood.
  - While the self-loving woman may encounter more conflict, she has the skill to handle difficulties that come her way. That skill is grounded in self-acceptance, integrity, and a willingness always to do what is best for her well-being.
- Women in sisterhood share their ongoing commitment to being honest with each other, to forgiving to nurturing our personal growth.
- When we are self-loving, we attend to the deeper needs of our soul, we no longer fear abandonment or loss of recognition. We see ourselves clearly as we really are. And that clarity is the source of our strength and peace of mind.