檳榔嶼

https://www.shondaland.com/inspire/books/a14418770/tough-love-with-bell-hooks/

- The entrance of many heterosexual women into the movement had been sparked by male domination in intimate relationships, particularly long-time marriages where gender inequity was the norm.
  - From the onset the movement challenged the double standard in relationship to sexuality which condemned females who were not virgins or faithful lovers and spouses while allowing men the space to do whatever they desired sexually and have their behavior condoned.
- A woman might assertively challenge a sexist male boss or stranger's attempt to dominate her, then go home and submit to her partner.
- Contemporary feminists critiqued marriage as yet another form of sexual slavery. They highlighted the way traditionally sexist bonds led to marriages where elements of intimacy, care, and respect were sacrificed so that men could be on top - could be patriarchs ruling the roost.
- Early on many feminist women were pessimistic about men changing.
  - Some of them decided to choose celibacy or lesbianism over seeking after unequal relationships with sexist men.
  - Others saw sexual monogamy with men as reinforcing the idea that the female body was property belonging to the individual male she was bonded it. We chose non-monogamous relationships and often refused to marry.
  - Feminists advocated demanding an end to sexual slavery and called attention to the prevalence of marital rape while at the same time championing the rights of women to express sexual desire, initiate sexual interaction, and be sexually fulfilled.
- There were many heterosexual men who embraced feminist thinking precisely because they were unfulfilled sexually in relationships with partners who were not interested in sex because they had been taught virtuous women were not sexually active. These men were grateful to feminist movement for offering a liberatory sexual paradigm for female mates because it ensured that they would have a more fulfilling sex life.
- Urging women to no longer pretend that they were sexually fulfilled when this was not the case, feminist movement threatened to expose male sexual shortcomings.
  - To defuse this threat sexist men continually insisted that most feminists were lesbians or that all any feminist woman needed was "a good fuck" to put her back in her place.
  - In actuality feminist rebellion exposed the fact that many women were not having satisfying sex with men in patriarchal relationships.
  - Straight women were tired of male sexual coercion and lack of concern with female pleasure.
- In a patriarchal culture where men are encouraged to lie to women, have made it harder for heterosexual women to choose a variety of partners.
  - Clearly, when the emphasis is on monogamy in heterosexual bonds within patriarchy it is often harder for couples to break with sexist paradigms.
  - Concurrently, within patriarchy many individual feminist women found that non-monogamous relationships often simply gave men more power while undermining women.
- Not surprisingly, as individual women gained in class power many women deal with inequality by hiring caretakers to do the tasks neither they nor male partners want to perform.
- Because of feminist movement more men do more parenting than ever before, yet we have not achieved even a semblance of gender equity.
  - Until we see major changes in the way work is structured timewise, we will not live in a world where life is designed to allow men the time and space to parent.
  - Until then, many working males who are overtired and underpaid will all too willingly accept a woman doing all the child care, even if she is overtired and underpaid.
- Most people in our society still believe women are better at raising children than men.
- Nowadays mass media continually bombards us with the message that marriage has made a comeback. That means more sexist-defined notions of marriage are "in" again.
- Patriarchal male domination in marriage and partnerships has been the primary force creating breakups and divorces in our society.
- Affirmation between couple creates greater happiness, and, even if the marriage does not last forever, the peer friendship that has been the foundation of the bond continues.
  - Significantly, in future feminist movement we will spend less time critiquing patriarchal marriage bonds and expend more effort showing alternatives, showing the value of peer relationships which are founded on principles of equality, respect, and the belief that mutual satisfaction and growth are needed for partnerships to be fulfilling and lasting.