檳榔嶼

- Forgiveness holds the promise that we will find the peace that we all really want. It promises our release from the hold that another's attitudes and actions have over us. It re-awakens us to the truth of our own goodness and lovableness. It holds the sure promise that we will be able to increasingly unburden ourselves from emotional turmoil and move on feeling better and better about ourselves and about life.
- Paul Tillich : "Forgiveness is an answer, the divine answer implied in our existence."
- Forgiveness restores our hearts to the innocence that we once knew - an innocence that allowed us the freedom to love.
- Just say the word "forgive" and for some the response is immediate: "Are you kidding?" or "Never" or "Not after what she's done!" or even "I wish I could."
- Allow an individual to come to mind whom you feel has been the source of personal pain.
  - How do you feel about forgiving that person?
  - What does it mean to you to forgive him or her?
  - What would you have to do in order to forgive?
- Your concept of forgiveness can either hinder you and limit your capacity for clarity and joy, or it can uplift you, giving you a ways to relesae the past and be free to live with greater peace and happiness.
- I invite you to be open to a whole new way of defining forgiveness and working with it in your everyday life. By suspending familiar ideas, you will create an openness that will allow you to engage most powerfully and fully with the magnificent possbilities of forgiveness.

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT
- Forgiveness is not condoning negative, inappropriate behavior.
- Forgiveness does not mean you approve or support the behavior that has caused you pain, nor does it preclude taking action to change a situation or protect your rights.
- Forgiveness is not pretending everything is just fine when you feel it isn't.
  - many people learn early in life to replace genuine feelings with more acceptable feelings and behaviors that won't result in punishment and abandonment.
- You may have learned to be a "good" boy or girl and repress your anger by acting "nice" even though you felt resetful and misunderstood. You may repress your anger now, as an adult, because being angry isn't compatible with your image of a good person, parent, spouse, or friend.
- Genuine forgiveness cannot be offered if anger and resentment are denied or ignored.
- If you forgive someone because you pity them or consider them foolish or stupid, you have confused forgiveness with arrogance and being judgmental.

ANGER AND RESENTMENT
- The most obivous reason for forgiving is to relieve ourselves of the debilitating effects of chronic anger and resentment.
- As you feel away the layers, you will probably find that anger is actually a superficial feeling. ... If we get lost in our anger, we become deaf to our deeper feelings. We learn to hear only those that have learned to speak the loudest.
- Resentment is the feeling of chronic grievance or ill will what persists even long after the situation that provoked the anger is over.
- When we feel resentful, we feel strongly the pain of the past again and again.

THE BENEFITS OF HOLDING ON
- Do you stay angry because it gives you a feeling of being more powerful and in control?
  - to demostrate power, strength, commitment, and personal pride.
  - But in fact, anger and resentment usually mask feelings of helplessness, disappointment, insecurity, grief, or fear, and are often used as substitutes for feelings of genuine perosonal power.
- Do you use anger as the impetus and fuel for getting things done?
  - When anger is the primary motivation for change, it often creates resistance to the very change we are trying to elicit. ... it often generates opposition rather than resolution.
- Do you use anger to control others?
- Do you use anger to avoid communication?
- Do you use anger to help you feel safe? Does it seem to serve as a protection?
- Do you use anger as a way of asserting that you are "right"?
  - Forgiving does not imply that you are now acknowledging that the other person is right or that you are now wrong.
  - Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
- Do you hold on to anger to make others feel guilty?
  - The major problem with this strategy is that as we do this, we simultaneously - although not consciously - reinforce our own guilt, which inevitably leads to personal unhappiness and low self-esteem.
- Do you use anger to avoid the feelings that are under the anger?
  - Sometimes it's much eaisier to feel angry than it is to feel the fear and sadness underlying the anger.
- Do you use anger to hold on to a relationship?
- Does your anger keep you in the role of victim?
- Do you remain resentful so that you don't have to take responsibility for your role in what's happening in your life now, or for how you feel?

THE CASE FOR GENTLENESS
- If you are like most people, you will have a tendency to judge yourself for any number of things.
- It is extremely important to notice your thoughts and reactions without judging them. if you experience fear, self-judgment, and doubts, be gentle with yourself.
- Breathing consciously and fully helps you feel and helps you remain grounded in your body.