檳榔嶼

My Husband Betrayed Me
- The false idea that we are an entirely monogamous species encourages denial, isolation and shame, and exaggerated feelings of personal failure.
- We need to acknowledge openly with our spouse that strong attractions - and affairs - can occur in even the best of marriages.
- Paradoxically, monogamy becomes more attainable when we recognize that we can't guarantee it or take it on faith. Work to establish honesty and communication in your marriage, which is the only foundation on which trust can be built.

Premenstrual Syndrome or Premnstrual Sanity?
- Women often disqualify their own legitmate anger by venting it in a manner that allows others to write them off as irrational, hysterical, infantile, or, in your case, "at-that-time-of-the-month".
  - Respect your outbursts as a signal that something is not right.
  - Does any man stay off the streets at night because he fears attacks from uncontrolled, irrational women in the throes of permenstrual syndrome? Probably not. Women stay home at night because they fear the irrational behavior of men.
  - Nothing is "just hormonal" or "just in our head". Many forces combine to make overreacting and underreacting a predictable part of human emotional life, along with rudeness, grumpines, and every variety of inconsiderate behavior.
  - We need to ask why there has been so much focus on the "problematic nature" of female reproductive cycles and so little focus on the real health issues that affect our lives.

My Husband Is Jealous of My Therapist
- Marriage is a primary relationship in which each partner typically expects to be placed first by the other.
- Privacy is not the same secrecy or emotional distance.

I'm Monogamous, He Isn't
- People often claim that a particular behavior is "natural" or "biological" when they don't want to change it.
  - It's sometimes easier to modify biological tendencies than to alter deeply entrenched learned patterns.
- Sonia Johnson : "the red herring of numbers that focuses us on how many lovers we are taking naked to bed instead of what condition our souls are in and what what is in our hearts as we lie with them"

I'm Not Mrs. Smith!
- The subject of names in marriage is a loaded issue because it reflects a woman's subordinate position in our cultures.
- Change is always accompanied by anxiety.

My Husband Left Me for a Man
- As long as we continue to stigmatize and disregard homosexual pairing, individuals will attempt to suppress their real feelings, and the painful reality you've encountered will be all too common.
- No marriage is "perfect and problem-free".
- When we put all our eggs in the basket of one relationship, we risk losing everything when that relationship ends.
  - Losing oneself in marriage is what our culture encourages; it is not a reflection of personal failure.

I'm White, He's Black
- It's impossible to change another person's thoughts and feelings, and the more you try, the more likely your mother will dig in her heels.
- Truly learning to value differences requires a very high level of maturity as well as life experience.
  - Most people feel threatened by differences and live narrowly circumscribed lives.
- Questioning can help you view others' reactions through a wider lens and across generations.
  - To se the stage for asking questions, you might begin by sharing some of your own concerns, too.
- Under stress, family members tend to move into polarized positions that block them from owning the more complex and mixed feelings that we all have.
- There is no perfect man (or woman) of any color.

My Impossible Mother-in-Law
- Emotional intensity only breeds more emotional intensity.
- Whenever one finds a wife and mother-in-law slugging in out, one finds a husband and mother who aren't addressing their own relationship issues.
- Substantive change in families is a slow process, but the good news is that even a small change will make a big difference in your life.

My Doctor Says I'm Depressed
- Depression, like anger, is a signal worth listening to, as it can indicate the necessity for self-exploration and change.
- Women, in particular, must rely on this source of wisdom, because we are socialized to pretend, to settle, to deny that unfair circumstances exist or matter, and to call our compromises "life". Our dobies are harder to fool.

I'm More Successful Than My Husband
- Women are encouraged to cultivate competitive feelings for men but to deny our competitive feelings with men. In fact, most of us have been taught to bolster and protect men's self-esteem at our own expense. A woman, we are taught, must be smart enough to catch a man but must never seem to outsmart him.
  - We all learn what the culture teaches us, which is that the man is the primary breadwinner and it's his career that really counts.

I'm Not a Failure
- The challenge for each of us as well as can by our values, without getting too caught up in what other people think.

Choosing to Be Childless
- All women have been raised with the message that we should want to have children.
- Every significant life choice is a mixed bag that precludes other experiences and choices.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- It's important to take all the time you need to get clear about your situation and to test out how much potential your marriage has for positive change.
1. Work toward having a life plan that does not require marriage for your emotional and financial survival.
2. Create a rich and enduring network of relationships.... Strengthen your connections to the important people in your life.
3. Work to bring more of your authentic self to your marriage.
4. Clarify your bottom line. What are your deepest values and beliefs about what you expect from - or deserve in - marriage?