檳榔嶼

每個女人要擺脫身體/外貌受到父權的宰制，那意謂著每個女人都要學著別根據別人的身體/外貌來評價自己跟別人。男性宰制的色情文化，基本邏輯是美是好的，醜是壞的，但美醜的標準是掌控在男人的手裡，以服務男人的性慾為基礎。也就是說，一個女人的價值必須要建立在引起男人的性慾。

一個有愛的人，不會評價自己跟別人。拒絕被用美醜的標準來評價自己，自我接納，愛上真實的自己，用以對抗這種宰制文化的箝制。評價，是一種權力關係，透過認同與否來控制人的自尊與期望，藉此建立起從屬關係。人為了持續獲得好評，必須滿足給予好評的人的期望，而不是滿足自己的期望，因此對方擁有權力決定自己的價值，進而影響自己的行為跟期望。因此產生不公平，不自由。

在這個文化，長的醜的人也是，即便最終她/他們學會自嘲自己的外表，那並不代表她/他們的內心並沒有受傷。她/他們只是為了進入主流文化，轉而用貶低自己來讓主流文化認同自己。
 

父權不存在嗎？當羞辱存在，父權就存在。人羞辱，故父權在。

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- The practice of self-love is difficult for everyone in a society that is more concerned with profit than well-being.
- Withing the context of white supremacy, black people are often rewarded by racist white folks when we internalize racist thinking as a way of assimilating into the dominant culture.
- Collectively decolonizing our minds means that every black person would learn to stop judging others on the basis of skin color.
- Self-loving black people work to fend off attempts by white colleagues to pit them against other black people.
- Decolonization is the necessary groundwork for the development of self-love. The heart of decolonization is the recognition of equality among humans, coupled with the understanding that racial categories which negatively stigmatize blackness were created as a political tool of imperialist white domination.
- Since the logic of white supremacy is that black is always bad and white always good, in order to decolonize, such thinking has to be rejected and replaced by the logic of self-acceptance. Learning to be positive, to affirm ourselves, is a way to cultivate self-love, to intervene on shaming that is racialized.
- Our self-esteem as black people was stronger in the past than it is now because we were not constantly bombarded by dehumanizing images of ourselves.
- Since TV has primarily exploited stereotypical images of blackness, small children held captive by these screen images from birth on absorb the message that black is inferior, unworthy, dumb, evil, and criminal.
- When our black schools were closed down and we were forced to integrate predominately white schools situated far away from our neightborhoods, it caused tremendous psychological depression. Regarded as first-class citizens in our beloved schools, we were now bussed to schools where we were treated as second-class citizens, where white teachers saw us as inferior, as savages, incapable of being their equals.
- No psychologists or school counselors stood in the wings(nor do they stand there today) to help black children cope with the reality of moving from segregated schools where we had been valued to white schools where our teachers saw us only as a problem, where a great many of them actually hated us.
- Currently, many white teachers may be kind to black students and still direct them away from striving for academic excellence.
- In actuality black children who are shamed by someone mocking their appearance don't jump for joy. They are psychologically wounded.
- At times the ways black children were and are wounded by racisim intersect with other hurts inflicted by poverty, sexism, or other dysfunctional practices within the family.
  - Attending to the grievous injustices and injuries of racism need not lead black folks to ignore all the other issues that disturb the psyche. Shaming has been a central component of racial assault, yet it is also central to all other dehumanizing practices.
- Within a culture of domination, shaming others is one way to assert coercive power and dominance.
  - There is often a thin line between humor that is funny, witty, and satirical, the intent of which is to entertain, and humor that is used as a weapon, to denigrate and shame.
  - Children who are constantly shamed cannot build healthy self-esteem. And if this shaming continues into their young adulthood it often leads them to significant breakdowns in mental health.
- Often matriarchal mothers use shaming as a way of disciplining children.
  - Everyone may comment about how well-behaved this child is. The fact that harsh authoritarian discipline may have produced this obedience is rarely noted.
  - Usually when a black mother publicly uses harsh, emotionally abusive verbal assaults to discipline a child, folks are aghast, but that same verbal practice may have been utilized at home to create the "perfect" behavior so many folks admire in the silent, obedient child who responds only when addressed by an authority figure.
  - Inappropriate criticism is usually a dynamic used to shame. All such practices undermine our capacity to create and/or sustain self-esteem.
- How much we show love by the way we communicate with one another, that we need to speak warmly and tenderly to one another.
  - it is all too easy to forget that harsh words can wound and break the spirit.
- Silence can also be used to humiliate and shame.
  - Many men use withdrawing into silence to express their power over others.
- Children of all classes are abused.
- The heart of self-love is healthy self-esteem.
  - Nathaniel Branden, <<Six Pillars of Self-Esteem>> : "the practice of living consciously; of self-acceptance; of self-responsibility; of self-assertiveness; of living purposefully; of personal integrity"
  - Personal integrity is one of the hardest, since it requires commitment to truth telling.
  - Creating and maintaining personal integrity is especially hard in a culture of domination where lying is rewarded.
  - In the long run, individuals who self-betray by always masking and pretending suffer.
- Self-love is first expressed by the way we tend our bodies. We must work hard to love our black bodies in a white supremacist patriarchal culture.
  - Loving our bodies does not mean simply liking the way we look. It means that we care for the well-being of those bodies by eating properly, exercising, and staying away from all addictions, including food.
- Emotional healing is a process that can take place in any setting where we are genuinely cared for, where problems and difficulties can be talked about and solutions found.
  - Folks without access to therapy can look to supportive friends, family members, and co-worker for help.
- When black people, and other nonwhite groups, are told repeatedly that the problems they experience are their own fault, this de-legitimation not only censors and silences; it promotes insanity.
  - Sane people with healthy self-esteem respond to oppression and exploitation by both acknowledging their pain and resisting.