檳榔嶼

- George Bernard Shaw: "Under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."
- For most of history it was inconceivable that people would choose their mates on the basis of something as fragile and irrational as love and then focus all their sexual, intimate, and altruistic desires on the resulting marriage. 
  - Only rarely in history has love been seen as the main reason for getting married.
  - In some cultures and times, true love was actually thought to be incompatible with marriage.
  - Plato believed love was a wonderful emotion that led men to behave honorable. But the Greek philosopher was referring not to the love of women, "such as the meaner men feel", but to the love of one man for another.
- In China, excessive love between husband and wife was seen as a threat to the solidarity of the extended family. Parents could force a son to divorce his wife if her behavior or work habits didn't please them, wheter or not he loved her.
  - In the Chinese language the term love did not traditionally apply to feelings between husband and wife. It was used to describe an illicit, socially disapproved relationship.
- Whether it is valued or not, love is rarely seen as the main ingredient for marital success.
- In many cultures, love has been seen as a desirable outcome of marriage but not as a good reason for getting married in the first place.
- Love in marriage was seen as a bonus, not as a necessity.
- Today there is general agreement on what is takes for a couple to live "happily ever after" :
  1. they must love each other deeply and choose each other unswayed by outside pressure.
  2. each must make the partner the top priority in life, putting that relationship above any and all competing ties.
  3. A husband and wife, we believe, owe their highest obligations and deepest loyalties to each other
  4. Married couples should be best friens, sharing their most intimate feelings and secrets. 
  5. They should express affection openly but also talk candidly about problems.
  6. And of course, they should be sexually faithful to each other.
  - This package of expectations about loves, marriage, and sex, however, is extremely rare.
- For most of human history, successful marriages have not been happy in our way.
- Modern marital advice books invariably tell husbands and wives to put each other first. But in many societies, marriage ranks very low in the hierarchy of meaningful relationships. People's strongest loyalties and emotional connections may be reserved for members of their birth families.
- For1700 years women in Chinese province quarded a secret language that they used to commiserate with each other about the griefs of marriage.
- In many societies of the past, sexual loyalty was not a high priority.
  - Some anthropologists believe cospouse relationships were a more socially acceptable outlet for sexual attraction than was marriage itself.
- In Europe and the United States today such an arrangement (cospouse) would be a surefire recipe for jealousy, bitter breakups, and very mixed-up kids. 
  - About two centuries ago Western Europe and North America developed a whole set of new values about the way to organize marriage and sexuality, and many of these values are now spreading across the globe.
  - People expect marriage to satisfy more of their psychological and social needs than ever before.
  - Individuals want marriage to meet most of their needs for intimacy and affection and all their needs for sex.
- Never before in history had societies thought that such a set of high expectations about marriage was either realistic or desirable.